


Until our very last second

by yotsubanoclover



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28935144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yotsubanoclover/pseuds/yotsubanoclover
Summary: Jumin Han can see other people's lifespan, except for his own. As a doctor, he's saved many lives... but no matter what he does, he cannot alter or even prolong the lifespan of his patients. One day, he meets MC, an 18-year-old who has been sick for almost her whole life. Why can't Jumin see her lifespan? Does this mean he might be able to save her?
Relationships: Han Jumin/Main Character, Han Jumin/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Until our very last second

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iari/gifts).



> The beginning of this year, iari and I challenged ourselves to create headcanons with new prompts daily. Then, every two weeks, we would each choose one headcanon to write as a full fic. This is my first proper one-shot after more than a year of slump <3 The prompt for this one was "the ability to see one's lifespan".
> 
> DISCLAIMER: The medical/healthcare aspects mentioned in this fic may be inaccurate and are solely built for the sake of the story.

Jumin still can’t figure out why he can't see MC's lifespan.

But more than that, he can’t understand why it’s making him feel uneasy. He’s spent a lifetime hating his ability and trying to run away from it. So isn’t this what he’s been waiting for? Maybe his inability to see MC’s lifespan means that his ability is failing. Or, better yet, this could be a sign that maybe he could actually save her.

So instead of sulking and agonizing over her empty palms, he should be celebrating. He should be jumping up and down, feeling excited. After all, being able to see the lifespan of others has never helped him in any way. It didn’t help him prevent the car accident that took away his best friend, nor has it helped him cure his patients.

The absence of her countdown means that maybe he could actually heal her. Yes… let’s see it that way.

MC… has been sick for most of her 18 years of life. A woman as bright as she is shouldn’t be confined in a wheelchair, fighting for her life every day. She should be going to college, enjoying her youth, strolling around in the park with her friends, perhaps a boyfriend. But instead, she’s spent day after day writhing in pain, sweating bullets as she holds onto dear life with all of her might until the seizures pass.

And that’s assuming she made it through.

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day that she’s awake, as ill as she is, she’s defying her fate. It’s already a miracle that she could live a year longer than predicted. There’s no telling when one seizure is going to put a stop on her life.

She’s so young, and yet she may have seen more doctors than everyone else around Jumin, combined. They can’t even put a name on what exactly is eating her away. For some reason, her organs just started failing one day and still continues to do so, to this day. No medicine could delay, let alone prevent them from failing. For the most part, they’re just making the process easier, as tasteless as that sounds. Make the seizures less painful. Other than that, there’s nothing that could stop her from dying.

Much like Jumin’s decades-long effort to defy his ability… to actually succeed in prolonging someone’s life. Up until now, that had been impossible. But with MC, with no countdown haunting his every move, maybe he can save her.  _ Really  _ save her, so that she could finally start living her life as she should have been.

But how is he going to do that? Many doctors before him have tried and failed. What makes him any different?

“Jumin!” a voice snaps him out of his reverie. He looks up – it’s MC.

And she’s crying.

He jumps out of his chair and starts checking her pulse, then her body for injuries. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. “Why? What happened? Are you hurt?”

Those brown eyes look straight into his. “ _ Idiot _ .”

_ What? _

Wheeling her wheelchair forward, she reaches out and embraces him by the neck. She hasn’t stopped crying. “ _ You idiot _ !”

“MC, will you please tell me what’s wrong?” Jumin’s trying to free himself so that he can have a better look at her, but her grips only tighten. “What happened to the nurse who took you here?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she says between her sobs, “How can someone be so… selfless?”

Jumin’s heart skips a beat, as if he’s just missed a step in the stairs and nearly fell down. “What did you hear?”

MC sniffles, still not letting him go. “I asked you first.”

He considers this for a moment. Does he tell her? What good will that do? But first and foremost, will she believe him?

_ Of course she won’t _ .

He could make something up on the spot. Anything would be much more believable than the truth. Besides, he has yet to find out what exactly about him that she heard from God-knows-who. It could very well be something trivial. Maybe she found out about his background and who his parents are, and she’s just simply wondering why someone like that would become a doctor.

Yes, that is the most likely explanation.

But Jumin also knows deep down that he no longer wants to hide. He’s tired of hiding. He wants –  _ needs  _ – someone to talk to. Someone to share his secret with. She can call him crazy, he doesn’t care. He can deal with the consequences later. For now, he just needs her to lean him her ears.

Besides… if it’s MC, somehow he feels that everything’s going to be alright.

“I could tell you,” he finally says, “but you won’t believe me.”

She lets him go, almost shoving him, even. Wiping her tears messily with one hand, she retorts, “Try me.”

“But you have to tell me if you feel any kind of pain, alright? As soon as you feel like something’s wrong, please let me know. Can you do that? Can you promise me that?” He looks straight into her eyes, so she knows that he’s not lying. “I’ll tell you everything, but please promise me you won’t push yourself too hard. If I feel like it’s going to be too hard on you, I’m stopping. Do you understand?”

She nods. “I promise.”

“Come, it’ll be better if you’re lying on the bed.” Without waiting for her to answer, Jumin starts to carry her to the bed and carefully lays her there. She protests as he carries her, but doesn’t struggle nor try to get away.

He sits on her bedside, then reaches out for her palm. It feels cold to the touch. Stroking the spot where a countdown should typically be, he starts, “I can see other people’s lifespan, except for my own.” He waits for a reaction – for her to object and ridicule him. But she stays silent. She doesn’t even look away nor pulls her hand away from him. She just listens.

“It’s usually right around here, where I could see some numbers,” he continues, careful with his words, watching for any reaction from her, any sign of seizures. “Much like a timer, it counts down. This… ability, I’ve had it for as long as I can remember, though I never knew what it meant. As a little boy, I would point it out, but people brushed it off as innocent comments from a child who didn’t know better. They couldn’t see any countdown and I was making a fool out of myself by telling them that I could. Eventually, I stopped saying anything.

“One day, I was out cycling with a friend around the neighborhood. I had noticed lately that his countdown was nearing zero, but like I said, I didn’t know what it was nor what it meant, and never pointed it out. It was a quiet neighborhood, and there usually wasn’t any car around. But that day, that particular afternoon….”

Jumin looks away for a bit to gather himself. It feels as if there’s a lump on his throat, preventing him to speak, making it hard for him to breathe. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. Jumin could feel a squeeze on his hand. When he looks back to her, MC gives a reassuring smile.

“It happened so fast.” His voice is breaking. This is the first time he’s ever told someone else. Not just about his ability, but also about the incident that took away his best friend. “Just as his countdown reached zero, a speeding car came out of nowhere, hit him and he’s just…  _ gone _ .”

That day, he finally understood what the numbers meant… and what he was capable of. But at what cost?

He turns to her, almost breaking into tears, yet instead he lets out a small chuckle. “To understand this ability, I had to… I had to lose someone so dear to me.”

* * *

It was heartbreaking to see him like this.

In the few months that you’ve spent being around him, Jumin is usually so calm and composed. Sure, as a doctor, he's probably seen things that would send most people running. But even the scariest situations do not seem to faze him. This man has sat through your most grueling and excruciating seizures, where even you weren't sure if you were going to make it, and became your support. Right when it seemed like you could no longer hold on, he would be right at your bedside, much like he is now, telling you - encouraging you - to stay with him. 

_ To stay alive. _

And yet here he is, his gray eyes glistening with tears, his body shaking. You could feel that he wants to run out of this room and cry out. You could quite literally see the conflicting look in his eyes, that there are parts of him that wanted to bury all of this, to never, ever, speak of it again. But just as strong, there are parts of him that are just tired of holding up alone for so long. If he were standing right now, it would only be a matter of time until his knees give out. 

You never thought that you would see him so emotional, so grief-stricken, so…  _ humane _ . 

You almost wanted to reach out and hug him. But instead, you wait for him to continue. 

"I didn't become a doctor because I was, like you said, selfless." He's shaking his head, looking up to the ceiling. "Hell, I might even be the most selfish person you would ever know. I could say I wanted to save the lives of others, when really, all I wanted to do was to save myself... from this ability." 

"You're really an idiot, aren't you?" 

That's the first time you spoke since he started talking. You could tell that surprised him by how quickly he looks back at you, one eyebrow raised, "Excuse me?" 

Intertwining your fingers with his, you smile. His warmth feels somewhat comforting. "I said, you're really an idiot.

“For a self-proclaimed  _ the most selfish person _ , you seem to be doing the exact opposite.”

_ I’ve never seen someone who could care so much about the lives of other people, that he seems to forget about his own. _

Yes… that perfectly describes the man sitting right by your side. Haven’t you been watching him? Haven't you seen it for yourself? What Nurse Park told you has only confirmed your suspicions.

_ I don’t think I’ve seen Dr. Han go home for the past few years _ , the older woman said.

You may not have spent as many years here as Nurse Park has, but if you really think about it, he’s never  _ not  _ around. He’s always standing by, at ready, not just for you but for the other patients as well.

Think about it. How many times have the two of you accidentally met each other as you wheel yourself along the long corridors? Or when you’ve just gone back from the afternoon strolls? Like that one time, when it’s only been your first week here, and you were trying to give yourself a tour of the hospital. You were barely outside of your room when he caught you going off alone.

_ “MC? Are you going somewhere?” _

Didn’t the nurses say he was supposed to be out? _ Your routine check-up with him wasn’t until later that night. “Ah, Jumin! This is… I…” _

_ He was already pushing your wheelchair back into your room. “Let me call a nurse for you. You shouldn’t go off anywhere on your own.” After settling you down, he reached out and pushed the call button lying on your bed. _

_ You couldn’t help but sulk. He did have a point. You weren’t supposed to be left alone, as no one could tell when your next seizure was going to be. Even the nurse who left you a few minutes ago was supposed to be getting someone else to take over for her. But you figured you could at least make it outside on your own in her absence and spend some time there before someone else would take you back. _

_ “I just wanted to get some fresh air,” you mumbled. “My room feels way too stuffy.” _

_ You heard a sigh, then he was kneeling in front of you, as he usually would when you talk. “You could have waited until someone was here and have them take you there. Why were you trying to go off alone?” _

_ You looked away from his concerned gray eyes. “It’s just a short distance. I could do it by myself.” _

_ Another sigh. Was he going to scold you? “Alright, I’ll stay with you until you are outside. You can do it yourself, I won’t intervene. I’ll just be keeping watch.”  _

What?

_ He got up to his feet. “Come on, what are you waiting for?” _

_ Right then, a young nurse rushed into the room. At the sight of Jumin, she was visibly surprised as she blushed and avoided his eyes. “Ah, Dr. Han! My apologies for the wait, I’ll take care of Miss MC for you. Are you two going somewhere?” Nervously, she rushed to the back of your wheelchair, lifted the brakes, and started to push it forward, but Jumin stopped her. _

_ “Let MC do it on her own,” he said. _

_ The young nurse blinked a few times, confused. With her hands still gripping on the handles, she looked at you, then back at him. “But Doctor, she….” _

_ “She wants to do it on her own,” he stated as a matter of factly. “We could just watch over her, make sure nothing is wrong. The park isn’t that far away, anyway.” _

_ She was clearly still hesitant, but Jumin was already standing by the door, waiting. Once again, those dark gray eyes focused on you. “What are you waiting for? Aren’t you going outside?” _

_ “S-sure…” Carefully, you started to wheel yourself out of the room, with the nurse walking right behind you, her hands hanging in the air, still processing what had just happened.  _

_ That might have been the first time a doctor let you do something for yourself. _

_ He didn’t stay with you the whole way, though. _

_ Along the way, the three of you walked past some patients getting wheeled into the emergency room and he had to excuse himself. “I’m sorry,” he looked at you apologetically. Turning to the nurse, his expression turned serious, “Nurse Kim, I’ll leave her to you.” Then back at you, “As soon as you feel like something’s wrong, you must say something, okay? I’ll see you tonight.” _

_ You followed his tall back with your eyes until he disappeared into the other side of the corridor, where the operating room was. _

_ You didn’t know how long you stayed there, frozen in place, until you heard a voice call out for you. “Miss MC? Are you feeling okay?” _

_ Shaking your head, you turn to Nurse Kim with a smile. “I’m sorry, yes, I am fine. Let’s go.” _

_ Later that night, a few hours after he left, you had a seizure. _

_ Nurse Kim was still staying with you, and she rushed to your bedside as soon as she heard your cries. Though, there wasn’t anything she could do that would stop the seizure. Her job, or anyone at all who’s keeping watch on you, is just that - keeping watch on you, your heart monitor and vitals, making sure you don’t die, and try to revive you if you did.  _

_ Your consciousness was fading in and out… you couldn’t even see where Nurse Kim was or what she was doing, but you could feel someone next to you as your body twisted painfully in bed, writhing helplessly, crying and sweating. Your hands were reaching out to empty air, as if trying to reach for the one life you had. _

_ Right then, someone grabbed your hand and held it.  _ Is it Nurse Kim?  _ You didn’t see her. Who was it? _

_ Then you heard her cry out, “Dr. Han! I thought you had left-” _

_ His voice was immediate, stern and grave. “Keep a close eye on the heart monitor.” _

_ Then he sounded closer, “MC, do you hear me? Stay with me.” He gave your hand a squeeze. “Please stay with me. Will your heart to keep beating. Will yourself to stay alive.” _

_ You wanted to cry out, to reach out for him, but you had no control over your body. So instead, you tried to focus your senses on his warmth, on his encouragement, on his voice. _

_ “You’re okay… you’re alright. I’m here, and I will be here when this is over.” You wanted to believe him. You believed him. “You hear me, MC? Everything is going to be alright.”  _ Why is it so easy to believe him?  _ In the seemingly never ending darkness, his voice became your guiding light. The darkness might have blinded you and rendered you helpless, but you feel like you could get up and run toward his voice. You willed yourself to run toward him. To run back to his side. _

To stay alive.

“I don’t think you are selfish,” you sit up. “Far from it. You’ve saved so many lives - you gotta give yourself some credit for that.”

He doesn’t say anything back. Though he did try to smile.

“No, I’m serious! Many times, I didn’t think I would make it out of my seizures alive. But here I am. Why do you think that is?”

“That’s you and only you.” He sounds exhausted. “I did nothing. I couldn’t do anything.”

“ _ You are practically living here _ !” You are growing frustrated. Nothing is getting through to him. “You, Jumin Han, were born an heir to the biggest and probably the most influential corporation in South Korea, if not the world. If you were selfish, like you said you were, you shouldn’t even be here, working nonstop as a doctor. You  _ are _ giving your utmost efforts in saving others! That’s not doing nothing! That’s far from it! You might even be killing yourself doing it; you just don’t know yet!”

Jumin stares at you calmly. “Then how come I could never alter the countdown?”

“Who are you to decide that you could, or should, alter other people’s fate? Why is that your job?”

“Then explain to me why I have this ability. Am I supposed to just stand by and watch as people die around me?” He starts to sound angry.

Oh, you want angry? I’ll show you angry. “Jumin, do you even hear yourself right now? You having this ability cannot, should not, and  _ will not _ alter the fact that we all are going to die someday. I will, you will, we all will - most people just don’t know when. But you do.” Taking a deep breath, you fish your pockets for a hair tie and start to tie your long brown hair to a ponytail. Then, without explaining to him what you are doing, you slowly turn your back on him, showing him the back of your neck. “Do you see something?”

* * *

On the back of her neck, is the countdown he’s been looking for. "What? How?"

She has this smug expression on her face, her pinkish lips curved to a smile. "Where do you think I got this confidence from? And by the way..." MC then guides him to turn around, his back facing a mirror at the corner of the room. There, on the back of his neck, is a countdown he's never seen before. "There you go."

_ His countdown _ .

Then, realizing something, he looks back at hers.  _ What are the chances? Both of your countdowns are exactly the same, down to the seconds. _

Jumin lets himself sit back down on the bed, his knees giving out from the shock. As he does, MC has her head tilted to one side. Like she’s waiting for him to say something. 

"Have you... always known?"

She sighs, scratching the back of her head. "No, actually, not at all. I’ve never been able to see anyone else’s countdown. I still can’t. So, in a sense, this ability I have, if I could call it that, is different from yours. One day, I just suddenly noticed some numbers on the back of your neck, which wasn’t even there at all at first, appearing out of nowhere, which prompted me to check mine. I never knew what they meant, but after hearing your story, I finally got it.”

* * *

_ You first saw the countdown on the back of his neck the next morning, after your horrible seizure. _

_ Waking up, you noticed him sitting on your bedside. He had bed hair, so you could tell that he had also just woken up. After seeing that you were awake, he started checking on your body for any injuries, as well as taking notes of your heart rate and vitals. _

_ “How are you feeling?” he sounded gentle. _

_ “I… I’m good.” The sunlight had lightly touched his face and you had to look away, feeling the heat on your cheeks. “T-thanks for last night.” _

_ “As long as you’re okay,” he mumbled, patting the top of your head once, before he stood up and started to leave. After you were sure that he couldn’t be looking your way anymore, you turned to look at him as he walked out the door. _

_ That was when you saw the numbers on the back of his neck, which you could have sworn wasn’t there the day before. _

"Now you know what’s yours." You place both hands on Jumin’s cheeks, so that he can't look away. "So please, please start living for yourself. For your own sake. You've spent your whole life trying to save others. Who's going to save you, then?"

To your surprise, Jumin places one hand over yours, his fingers warm as opposed to your cold hands. "I understand what you're getting at. But I'm sorry, I can't. Now that I know how much longer I have left, I certainly can't afford to stop."

"But why? You said it yourself, that you’ve seen enough to know that it's impossible! You know better than anyone else, that nothing we can do will alter the countdown!" You’re getting desperate. You want this man to live his life to the fullest, properly, for himself this time. All the more so since he hasn’t got that much time left.

"I'd rather use what I have until the very last second to try." He takes both of your hands in his, enveloping them in his warmth. "And I'll start with you."

Tears begin streaming down your face. Why won’t he understand? “Are you sure? Our countdown - our lifespan - is exactly the same. That could mean…”

He puts one finger over your lips, then wipes your wet cheek with the same hand, still smiling. “MC… I wasn’t lying when I said that in the beginning, I only wanted to save myself. But right now, this is no longer just about myself or my ability. I genuinely want to save you. It would be my greatest honor to devote all the time I have left to try to save you. Please trust me, and let me try to save you… but I will not be able to do it alone. I will very much require your help.” His voice is slowly breaking, too.

“Do you want to… do this together?”

The nervousness in his voice makes you chuckle, even as you are crying. This is a crazy gamble, both for you and him. You have no idea how this would turn out, and neither does he. But somehow, deep down, it feels like everything’s going to be okay. That as long as you have him by your side, you might just have a chance.

“Yes…” Your voice is hoarse from all the scolding and crying. Clearing your throat, you repeat your lines, this time clearer, “Yes, let’s do this together.”

You could feel him leaning closer, slowly, as if asking for your permission. Smiling, you close your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are very much welcome and appreciated :)


End file.
